97% functioning adult - Unisex garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt
White / S
$39.99 USD
Sale price
$39.99 USD
Regular price
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The ultimate statistical margin of error for a seemingly put-together life. This shirt is for anyone who has successfully mastered the major tenets of adulthood—paying bills on time, grocery shopping with a reusable bag, and maintaining a semi-regular sleep schedule—but still harbors that critical 3% that is pure, unadulterated chaos.
The Technical Report:
• The 97%: Look at you go. You have a LinkedIn profile, you know what a deductible is, and you occasionally buy vegetables with the full intention of eating them before they turn into liquid in the crisper drawer.
• The 3% System Failure: The absolute disaster zone. This is the part of your brain that still leaves clean laundry in the basket for a business week, forgets why they walked into a room, and uses a password that is just a word you can see from your desk.
Pro-tip: Perfect for wearing to a parent-teacher conference, a bank appointment, or while eating cereal out of a mixing bowl with a fork because you haven't run the dishwasher. It tells the world you are fully capable of handling major crises, but you absolutely cannot be trusted with a label maker.
If you’re looking for a thick, structured tee that’s also super soft and breathable—look no further! The unisex garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt ticks all the boxes and is made of 100% ring-spun cotton. The regular t-shirt style will complement most looks and fit you to a tee.
• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)
• Garment-dyed
• Relaxed fit
• 7/8″ double-needle topstitched collar
• Twill-taped neck and shoulders for extra durability
• Double-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems
• Blank product sourced from Honduras
97% functioning adult - Unisex garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt
$39.99 USD
Sale price
$39.99 USD
Regular price
The Technical Report:
• The 97%: Look at you go. You have a LinkedIn profile, you know what a deductible is, and you occasionally buy vegetables with the full intention of eating them before they turn into liquid in the crisper drawer.
• The 3% System Failure: The absolute disaster zone. This is the part of your brain that still leaves clean laundry in the basket for a business week, forgets why they walked into a room, and uses a password that is just a word you can see from your desk.
Pro-tip: Perfect for wearing to a parent-teacher conference, a bank appointment, or while eating cereal out of a mixing bowl with a fork because you haven't run the dishwasher. It tells the world you are fully capable of handling major crises, but you absolutely cannot be trusted with a label maker.
If you’re looking for a thick, structured tee that’s also super soft and breathable—look no further! The unisex garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt ticks all the boxes and is made of 100% ring-spun cotton. The regular t-shirt style will complement most looks and fit you to a tee.
• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)
• Garment-dyed
• Relaxed fit
• 7/8″ double-needle topstitched collar
• Twill-taped neck and shoulders for extra durability
• Double-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems
• Blank product sourced from Honduras
Size guide
| WIDTH (cm) | LENGTH (cm) | SLEEVE CENTER BACK (cm) | |
| S | 46.4 | 67.6 | 41.3 |
| M | 51.4 | 71.1 | 45 |
| L | 55.9 | 74.6 | 48.3 |
| XL | 61 | 78.1 | 52 |
| 2XL | 66 | 80.3 | 55.3 |